OK, since my last post I’ve changed my mind. I would much rather be responsible for dressing my own child than being presented with some of the costumes I’ve seen come out of concert season this year.
Of course, it’s no guarantee that my child won’t be asked to dance to inappropriate lyrics with inappropriate moves, but at least she will be dressed appropriate to her age.
Like my very first post that prompted creation of this blog, I ask myself – ‘what were they thinking!?!’
I know it’s not just me…there are other parents who aren’t happy. I know one parent who was shocked about her daughter’s costume given to her a couple of days before the event, and had discussions with other shocked parents outside the studios, but felt intimidated about how to approach the dance teacher with her concerns. Too late to change the costumes, unwilling to punish her daughter by pulling her out of the dance, reluctant to be seen as the ‘difficult’ parent. It’s not an easy situation, and I’ve seen it play out similarly several times over.
The kids aren’t necessarily happy either. I know kids who have been mortified seeing the costumes they have been given to wear. But again, they are powerless to complain. Kids, and especially young teenagers, are desperate to fit in and will usually just go with the flow – they certainly are not going to question the adults who are teaching and dressing them.
Of course, plenty of parents and kids do seem happy – proudly posting and re-posting photos on Facebook of their children or themselves seriously underdressed, in revealing poses. ‘How can that possibly be?’ I ask myself. Have they just become immune? Can’t they see it for what it is? And these same children then take their lessons to school, pulling up their skirts and flashing their sexy lacy bra-lets from under their white school shirts. Well, after all, once you been on stage in front of hundreds of adults in a teeny tiny spangled bra and low cut knickers (which surely required a bikini-wax before wearing), and danced with a seductive pout and a shaking of your booty – to the cheering and positive reinforcement of the crowd - it all becomes normal, even desirable.
And that influences how you dress for a birthday party. Or to go shopping. Or to go to school. I have definitely observed at social functions that those of my daughter’s friends who dance are more likely than their netball or soccer playing friends to wear high heels, low cut tops, short skirts. I hypothesise they are taking on board the encouragement they get to be ‘sexy’ well before their time, and their parents are not discouraging them.
I repeat from my first post – I’m not a prude. I’m not a religious conservative. I’m not picking on any one dance school. I’m just a shocked parent who feels powerless. I absolutely know I’m not alone. I know discussions are being held in dressing rooms, in waiting rooms, in corridors and on Facebook. But clearly not many of us feel comfortable bringing up the subject with our dance schools.
I can only hope to raise the topic for discussion, and perhaps prompt a costume designer here or there to reconsider, review and maybe, revise. And if my child were asked to wear something I felt had crossed the line, I think I would now speak up - writing this blog has made me braver. If you are a concerned parent, I hope reading it might make you braver too.
I totally agree DWM. I too was confronted by the briefness of some of my daughter's dance costumes this year. There were two styles for one particular dance and the even younger dancer's had a costume that you needed a magnifying glass to see! I like you am not a prude, which was confirmed to me by the fact that many of the teenage girls at the dance school commented on how brief the costume was and that they would not wear it! So where does that leave us? My daughter dances in so many numbers that I would have difficulty in sewing them all myself in time, unless they told us the styles etc by mid-year, and we all know that that is never going to happen.Possibly they need some parental guidance at the time of designing the costumes. I would be happy with anything that any of the other parents had input into as I know they would all choose something age appropriate. Maybe that is an indication of the style of dance school we choose to send our children to, so we end of with many 'like minded' parents. I have seen recent photos of some other dance school's Concerts and some of them have costumes far briefer than ours, so consequently I would never send my child there as I know what she would be expected to wear. All I can ask is what are those parents thinking? The costumes are verging on pornographic but those parents cheer them on and happily hand money over for both the tuition and the skimpy outfits, and heaven help you if you comment to any of those parents that the costumes are a little risque....
ReplyDeleteNow that the Concert is over and the Awards have been given out, I will be brave and comment to the Principal of the dance school that I thought the costume was brief. Where it will get me (or should I say, my daughter) I don't know? I would love to hear what some Principals of dance schools think of this subject and whether they think parent's have the right to have input on appropriateness of costumes or not.
Congratulations on yet another fantastic Blog! Thank you for getting these subjects into open discussion. I look forward to hearing other comments on this subject and your future Blogs.